I feel like I need to post..............

but I don't know what. lol I have been taking this week, and trying to concentrate more on my family. I haven't done anything special, so I haven't done a good job. But I am trying to teach myself how to make a happy home. You know, one where the mom's most used comment is not "You are fixing to make me lose it." Gee, do you know how many times I say this or a version of this to my kids. It is either making them feel bad about themselves, or like their mom is extremely unstable and they should be scared of me. They have nothing to fear from me, at least most of the time. I am all bark, and very little bite. They do know this, I guess that is why that statement is made so much by me. But, it seems the more I stress over this, the more often I am thinking that I am going to lose it, or the more I am incapable of dealing with things. I have subconsciously convinced myself I am unstable. What kind of strong, self confident kids can I raise, it they are convinces I am a "loony person". So, I am going to seriously pay more attention to what comments I use while dealing with kids. Ok, my mind rambled a mile a minute while I was typing this, so just ignore it, it is literally my thoughts that are coming to me as I type, and they might only make sense to me. (Like most of my thoughts, lol)

More than we can handle

You know the saying, "The Lord never gives us more than we can handle." Someone tells you that during a hard time, and your come back is inevitably, "Wow, the Lord thinks I am very strong." That is so much bull. The Lord constantly gives us more than we can handle. I realized this today when I was feeling so overwhelmed, like I was fixing to break. He can let the problems pile up, just to see what you can handle. Because eventually we will quit handling them, and realize that "The Lord never gives us more than HE can handle!" Praise the Lord, he is so good. He wants to handle our problems for us, He is just waiting for us to ask, for us to come to the end of our flesh, and lay them at the cross. So right now, I am thanking God for my lack of ability to handle life's problems, because I once again can rejoice in God, for handling them for me.

Follow up to this mornings post....I hope!

Thanks Kellyque at Three Hearts for Home for reminding me about this clever take on a not so clever song!

Such a peaceful sound!

Yesterday, I finally had a quiet moment so I went in my room, stretched across my bed, and started my homework for my Beth Moore study of Daniel. She had me flipping through my bible looking for a verse in Isaiah. And while doing this, I thought, I love the sound of Bible pages being turned. I have a Scofield KJV, it was a present from my husband when I converted from mormonism to Christianity. I love my Bible, it is probably the best and most heart felt gift I have ever been given. I also love to flip through the pages very quickly and hear the way they rustle. I can not think of any other book with pages like most Bibles pages are. It is a distinct sound and it is a blessed sound. I remember all the time in church when Bro Ben tells us to find a certain verse, the church is filled with that distinct sound. It is the sound of knowledge being sought for and learned. I hope that everyday I can hear that sound from my own house, from myself and my family. How much more peaceful my house would be, if it was filled with that sound. And I wish that same peaceful sound in all of your homes.

I just added a new song

I just added a recording of Perfect Grace, with the wonderful Michael singing bass with them. I can't wait fro them to get a whole cd with him. I love the change I have seen in him since he has been singing for the Lord, and I can't wait to see all the wonderful things the Lord has in store for him!

This is where you put the title.......

but I can't think of one.

Yesterday was a bad day, but it got better. Or I got better, one. I prayed, and God lifted my worries and hurts off my shoulder, and because of that, my attitude improved. And because of that, someone else's attitude improved. I thank God for that, because if he hadn't helped me get over my problems, I would have stayed in a "fit" and the whole house would have been affected. But, I was nice and able to honestly be in a good mood, and the hurts were healed. And I believe some hurts can be healed that easy. If you don't dwell, and you let God take it, you can be okay. But I see how so many people can't except that. They say that you are weak or blind for not staying mad. If your husband is hateful in a fit of anger, you should divorce him immediately because he is abusive. Aren't we all abusive in our own way? Don't we all do things, when we are walking in our flesh that injure others? After thinking about it, don't we all hope the other party doesn't hold on to that anger, because we didn't really mean it? (ok, I am rambling...you can stop reading now, it's ok.) That is where giving it to God comes in. He has such strong shoulders. He can bear our burdens for us, He wants to. He can heal our wounds, He can forgive others for us, when we can't. Wouldn't this world be such a better place if we could all learn to let God take care of our hurts? Instead, we lash out, we divorce our husbands, we stop talking to friends and/or family. I hope I never forget the lesson I learned yesterday. I know it won't always be easy, but I know if I remember to let God have it, I will be a lot more peaceful in my life.

I love music!!!

I remember growing up, my dad had a fit when I listened to Madonna. He said music effect you, I said, "No, dad. It doesn't change who I am, it's just a song." But oh, now being a grown up, I see it does. When you listen to music that is constantly talking about going to Da club, or being All jacked up........it seeps in somewhere and you eventual think that behaviour is ok because you have let it in to your life. I am trying to teach my children this, wish me luck!

I start almost everyday with a song in my head. Since Michael started singing with Perfect Grace, I have been singing a lot of their songs. I love the Christian music movement that is going on right now. Where I live, we can get 2 or 3 different contemporary Christian radio stations. Unfortunately, they don't play southern gospel,:( which is my favorite listening to music right now. But I love having a song about Jesus in my head all the time. It lifts up my spirits and it is very encouraging. So, I am going to post the lyrics to one of the songs that is currently going through my head! If I get the time, I might even figure out how to put it on here. :)

MY FOOT'S ON THE ROCK
Recorded by: The McKameys on Tennessee Live
Copyright 1984 The Eddie Crook Co.

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1. I started out to win this race
To serve the Lord and to look upon His face.
But the way's been long and the way's been rough,
But there's one thing for certain, I've got my mind made up.
CHORUS:

I've got my foot on the Rock and my mind's made up.
Though I walk through the lonely valley, though I drink from the bitter cup.
When the devil comes a-knockin' showin' me an easier way,
I stand right square on my feet, I throw my head in the air,
I look him straight in the eye, I say, my foot's on the Rock and my mind's made up!

2. Now Job was a man who was tempted in every way,
The devil took his family, he lay sick night and day.
His wife she came a-sayin', "Curse God, you've had enough!"
He said, "You talk like a foolish woman, I've got my mind made up."

CHORUS:

3. The devil he will tempt you and fill your way with strife,
He'll make you sick in body, even try to take your life.
Just put your trust in Jesus and say, "Lord, I've had enough."
The Lord will say, "Move on, Satan, he's got his mind made up."

CHORUS:



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Joy!!!!

I found this quote from Beth Moore in a study of hers I am doing, and I love it. I want to make a big sign and hang it on my fridge.

I choose joy. I may not feel it, but God has appropriated it and I choose it.

You know how many times I walk around miserable, feeling sorry for myself because nothing is going right in my eyes, when I could be choosing joy. I tried that earlier, just said forget all these problems, I will be joyful in spite of them.......then my 13 year old was having a stupid argument with my 4 year old. I starting getting mad, then remembered that God has appropriated me joy, and I nicely explained to Aaron, he dropped himself to Luke's level by arguing with him, and they quit. So, I have to work on this concept, but I will. And when I don't feel it, I will still choose it.

Wish me luck!

How is your prayer path?

I have heard a similar story from two different sources, and it has made an impact on my thinking. In some villages in Africa that missionaries have brought Christianity to, they pray behind their huts. So there is a defined "prayer path" leading behind their hut. So, their fellow Christians know when they aren't praying because of the overgrowth on their prayer paths.

If only we had a clear defined prayer path! But you know what, in so many ways we do. So often, I pray for the things that I feel are important and not just pray. I pray to change myself, or help others, but it is always what is going on then. I don't spend time just talking to God about long term things. And it shows. When I do take the time, I can see a difference in my attitude. But when I am quick to tell God what I need, and then rush off to my day, my life starts falling apart. (Maybe that is a little dramatic, but I am sure you understand) My prayer path is overgrowing. If people looked closely at me, they would see the briars and brambles across my prayer path. It might not be as easy as in the village in Africa, but we walk around showing how defined our paths are. I want to maintain a clear and smooth prayer path. You know, snakes live in undergrowth and in briars, why would I want to invite them in when I have such a clear way to keep them out.

My goal is to have a smooth prayer path. One without briars and snakes. I challenge all of you to keep your prayer paths clear also. Oh, the difference it will make in our lives!

Today is a new day!

I am so sorry for my pity party yesterday! But today is a new day, I will start it "afresh and anew." Is that a quote from the Bible somewhere? Anyway, part of my dear husband's problem is severe infection in his tooth/teeth. I didn't realize it was as bad as it was till last night. He is so miserable. His face is swollen and it is sending nerve pain up the side if his head and down his neck. So please pray that the Lord will lift the infection right out of him. Michael has been so stressed lately, I think this might be a way of grounding him some, but he is really scared that he will have to lose the tooth.

Now, to my dealings. I have made a list of certain rooms to clean everyday, so that the house will be thoroughly cleaned every week. Of course, the dishes and vacuuming is an everyday job. But just the extras and the deep cleaning that needs to be done regularly. So far, so good. OF course it is the first week still! lol I am wanting us to get a good fix on the cleaning routine before we start the school routine. I have never been one for routines, but with me homeschooling 4 kids this year, and trying to be more of a Proverbs 31 women, I figure it is time to be a routine follower. Anyone who actually reads this, and has any tips on routines/schedules, please let me know. *note-I do not want a schedule that rules my day, simply an idea to follow*

OK, now, off to finish the cabinets that didn't get finished yesterday! Hope everyone else has a blessed day and again, sorry for my pity party yesterday!

Nothing Prophetic............

I just need to ramble.

I am starting to slide into a misery, self-pity thing. I have got to snap my self out. I tried prayer, maybe I need to try again. There is just so much, yet so little going on around here. IT seems like every time we think things are looking up, they quickly fall. Even when we are convinced we are following God's will. And, just to clarify myself, I don't expect things to be perfect, but I was hoping that the turmoil and aggravation of my life would ease up some. I have so many personal building goals to work on, but then things start to fall apart around me, namely my husband starts slipping into one of his moods, and I put myself aside and worry about him. Then, the adversary steps in and makes me feel like no one cares about me. Which in some ways are true. For example, some days (most days) I feel my only value is the house cleaning, and kids caring for and as long as I do that, listen to Michael talk about his thoughts, I am being the perfect wife. Well, I am not a neat freak. My house is clean, but not spotless.......some days clean might even be stretching it. The part others see stays pretty clean. It is my bedroom and that type stuff that I falter on. But I get in these moods, and honestly it is only after Michael gets in a mood and expresses how "sorry" of a housekeeper I am, that I feel useless and not "loved". I know he loves me, and I know to over look these moods, but that doesn't mean I can. And when he has so much going on where his mind is running 90 to nothing, I need to be so much more supportive, and I try.......but I always fail. Do you know why? Because I am not perfect, but that is just a way of excusing inadequacies. (See, I said I was rambling) So, what else can I do, try harder to clean and always smile and be supportive? When does some one support me? When does someone get up earlier then they want and go to the store to get me coffee mate because I am out? It doesn't happen. But, I can get up 3 hours early, to go get Mt Dew so that they will be cold before he gets up. I do it gladly, because I love taking care of him........I just want some one to think about me that way, ya know, that way where they would do anything to make sure I was happy. I am mostly adjusted to the fact, it will never happen. But every once is a while, thanks to the evil one putting thoughts in my head, I get so sad and so lonely feeling when I think about "me".

Now, all that being said. I know I should never think about me first. I don't usually really, but I am trying so hard to be a better, more loving, person that I feel inadequate when I don't do it all right. So, I will go now, pray, read a little of His Word, and get over my pity party. (I hope!)

School!

We home-school! I love it. The kids mostly love it. On an occasional day, they decide they hate it, but they are kids so it doesn't bother me one bit! So, I am trying to get our books together, we are still a few short, but God has helped me get a bunch that I wouldn't have had. I have been praying that God will help me get the books. We don't' have any extra income so I was a little worried. And He has come through with a few. But this year, I am trying to really concentrate on school more. Not just the basics, but extras. I am doing Bible. We are going to do that daily. They are suppose to read it daily, but that doesn't always happen, so I am trying to find a chart or something for them to hang on the wall and mark off what they read. I am thinking that kind of visual will help. (Wonder if it will help me?) My kids are all blessed with above average intelligence. That makes my job easier, but I need to figure out how to challenge them with extras. I am wanting to to do service projects also. I am determined to make this the best school year ever. I am even thinking of making a chart with a schedule on it..................I have never stuck to a schedule in my life. But, it is time to do things the right way, not the Robyn way! Pray for me, I will need it!

AAAAAAhhhhhh! (That is me screaming!)

I swear, for me to be a grown up, I have extreme responsibility issues. Oh, I do the important things, the kids are taken care of. But I am always forgetting appointments and what not. Well, I just got bit in the bootie on that one. I had an appointment to get sealants put on my kids teeth. I evidently missed 2 appointments, so they are refusing to reschedule me. I about started crying. Partly because I had messed up, and then partly because the women was not being nice about it. (I actually did get that shaky voice) Then, I call to find out when my husband's Dr was going to be in, she only is there a couple days a week........she has changed her schedule and I missed the late day. (today) But, if I had called last week, I would know these things and we would not have missed it. I feel like I am my own worst enemy so much of the time. I cause so many of my problems through irresponsibility. I can't change those instances right now, but I am still all stressed out about it. I have got to learn to do things when they need to get done, and then this wouldn't happen.

I am always harping on the kids to do certain things, I don't do have of them myself. What kind of example am I being. Do as I say, not as I do.......that isn't the mom I want to be. So, I guess I have a lot of "learning" to do myself. But it is so overwhelming when I think of all my areas that need improvement. So, I shall sit and ponder what needs the most work, and try for an improvement. I can do it, it might be slow moving (I am a procrastinator) but I will get it changed.