or something like that. I have been in an emotional mess for a few weeks now. I wasn't necessarily blaming it on my husband, but I felt like our battles were due to things he is going through. I have been doing a lot of praying for him, and for myself. But praying to be a more supportive wife, and that type thing. Well, the other night we were having a conversation/argument over our problems. I was listening, but not listening if that makes sense. He kept saying that there was no love there, not husband and wife love, but mutual friendship and respect (sometimes) love. I kept saying he was wrong, that I do this this and this because I love him, he said no, I do it because I want things to be smooth between us and him not be mad. I even went as far to ask him what difference it made. He said because he wanted me to do all those things out of love. I got it, but I was thinking he was not completely right.
The next morning, I was really thinking about it and it hit me. I do everything in my life to make people happy and keep them from being upset. That isn't right, I should do it because I love them. Growing up, I had a need to always please my mother, so I did what I could to keep her from being "disappointed" in me. As a grown up, my mom still controls my emotions and I am still trying to keep her from being mad. Well, Michael has a very strong personality, and I have transferred that feeling I had growing up to our marriage. I keep the house clean, the clothes washed, supper cooked, etc so he doesn't get upset it isn't done. And it shows in my attitude/actions that I am dong it for the wrong reasons.
Now for the hard part, I have to figure out how to completely change my thinking into doing it for the right reasons. I know I love Michael, he doesn't think so because he sees "duty" in everything I do. But it is so overwhelming to think about how to change so he can see that I love him. I know this is something I completely have to work out with Jesus and myself. But it is scary to think that I am destroying the possibility of a good marriage because I am stuck in a cycle of "trying to make others happy".
Right now tho, everything is good. We are both trying to pay more attention to each other, and I feel God's peace in our marriage. I know God wants us to make it, so I am trusting Him to help us through this.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Self revelation.......
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3 comments:
Robyn, I have found that my life and "duties" are so much more joyful when I do them out of love, instead of out of responsibility. When I mow the lawn because my husband hasn't done it, I am angry, but I have noticed when i do it, because I love him and want to do it for him, I am nt angry and bitter. It lifts my heart to do things out of love for my family. You are on the right track. You CAN do it.
Robyn,
Thanks for your comment on my blog. It's nice to "meet" you. I just want to encourage you to keep working this out with Jesus. I understand exactly what you're saying. For me, it helped to change my perspective on my household "chores". I began to do them for the Lord not for my family or even myself. The Lord allows me to be and makes it possible for me to be at home with my children, so I clean, do laundry.... for Him! I want to be a God pleaser not a man pleaser!!!
Blessings!
stephanie
Robyn, you know something I think about often? What is the definition of love that the person is using as their measuring stick? Love as a feeling can fail, but love as the Bible speaks of is a verb. It's an action word that requires something of us. So, maybe you are doing it to keep the peace, but you are still doing it. Sometimes in doing that, we can move into doing it out of feelings. I find that if I'm doing something out of the wrong heart, like Amy, I can become bitter. One thing that makes it easier is to pray for that person while I'm doing the activity. It's really kind of hard to be angry at someone when you are praying for them. LOL I can tell ya this, I've tried even and it doesn't work so well.
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